Parents
CONNECT - Clothes and Appearance
Parent Edition
Week 35
by WisdomWorks Ministries
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A young person's appearance is very important. Even those who look like slobs are making a statement. (Adults may not understand it, but it is certainly a statement!) Clothes, hairstyle, shoes, backpack, and all the rest give the young person an important element of his identity. They define him, and they are tribal marks to show which group he belongs to. And fitting in is incredibly important!
Some parents make a huge deal of their student's appearance. Some of them have an image of what a "good, clean-cut young person" ought to look like, and they are determined that their son or daughter will fit that mold. Most parents are more easy going, but they begin to worry if their son or daughter's clothes is identified with a self-destructive sub-culture, like those into drugs or gangs. At that point, clothes aren't the real problem. They're just one of the surface symptoms.
Most young people fall in the vast middle ground of wanting to look cool enough to fit in with the crowd they like. And looking cool isn't a problem as long as appearance isn't the center of the young person's existence. Peter addressed this problem when he wrote about women who spend too much time and money on their looks: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (I Peter 3:3-4).
I believe clothes can be fun for the Christian. Our appearance can be one of the ways we show our joy in being children of God, but a Christ-centered perspective is always balanced, not consumed with having the latest style and being the center of attention. For students, clothes and appearance is only a problem if:
- it is a consuming distraction. If they think, dream, and talk about having the right clothes all the time, then it's keeping them from focusing on the things God says are most important: Him, His word, and His will for their lives.
- it doesn't steal their joy. Comparing themselves with other people is a sure way of killing the joy God wants for each of us.
- it doesn't consume too much of their money (or yours). Most of us have a budget we need to live on, and being good stewards of that money means we have to make choices about how much we can spend, how much we save, and how much we give away. Those who are obsessed with their appearance usually go way over their budgets on buying clothes and all kinds of things to make them look cool.
It's a hard lesson for many young people, but it's true: If their friends make fun of their appearance, they probably aren't real friends.
Parents need to realize that clothes, and all that comes with them, are an important identity statement for young people. These choices are ways to say, "This is who I am, and these are the people I belong to." But an obsession with appearance can seriously hinder a person's walk with God and block the development of real, rich relationships.
Talk
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Talk about the clothing choices you made when you were in high school. Pull out your old annuals to show what people were wearing during that time, and comment on what was really cool, and what wasn't. Tell what struggles you had in finding the right clothes to fit in and make your identity statement.
Discuss the principles in this letter. Make a commitment to give your student some room to make choices, but encourage him or her not to let anything get in the way of a wonderful relationship with Christ.
Ask, "What do my clothes say about me?" And "What do your clothes say about you?"
Xpress
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Ask your son or daughter to go shopping with you the next time you need to buy something, and listen to his or her advice.
Or pick one:
- Give your son or daughter a coupon (download it at http://www.planetwisdom.com/connect/certificate/movie.htm) that says: "You pick the next movie (up to PG 13), and I promise I'll watch it with you."
- Surprise your son or daughter by serving a favorite dinner.
- Write your son or daughter a note expressing your love and admiration for particular qualities of a friend you see in him or her.
- Make a huge chocolate sundae for everybody.
- Give your son or daughter a coupon (download it at http://www.planetwisdom.com/connect/certificate/wash.htm) for a car wash or a dog wash.
- Find a favorite Bible verse. Write it out and leave it on your student's bed.
- Praise your son or daughter for one thing he or she has done well in the past couple of days.
